Error
Messages
Author Unknown
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There is some great funny stuff that makes the rounds on the Internet. Occasionally, some of it is both clean and about the computer world. When we find those rare gems, we will print them here for everyone's enjoyment.
The authors of these pieces are generally unknown and reach us as a forward of a forwarded message. We would be pleased to identify and credit any original author who sees his or her work (and wants the world to know who he or she is).
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Tokyo, Japan, May 20 - Sony announced its own computer operating system is available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows, Sony chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, if Japanese, face on what has been an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. "For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry." The haiku messages are just as informative as Microsoft's and they make you pause just long enough that you're able to fight the impulse to put a fist through the screen. The chairman went on to give examples of the error messages:
A file so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
You seek a Web site.
It cannot be located.
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Stop, reflect, and reboot.
Order shall return.
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask too much.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss.
The presence of absence.
"June Sales.doc" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao.
Replenish the toner.
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Windows NT crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream
But the water has moved on.
Page not found.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you are seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
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