There is some great funny stuff that makes the rounds on the Internet. Occasionally, some of it is both clean and about the computer world. When we find those rare gems, we will print them here for everyone's enjoyment.

The authors of these pieces are generally unknown and reach us as a forward of a forwarded message. We would be pleased to identify and credit any original author who sees his or her work (and wants the world to know who he or she is).

1. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
2. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
3. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
4. You're amazed to find out Spam is a food.
5. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.
6. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
7. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications."
8. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server."
9. After winning the office Super Bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!"
10. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

1. Your phone bill lists 1,987 household lines.
2. Your son tells you that his private interview with the Secret Service agent was for a social studies class essay.
3. You receive mail addressed to Phil E. Phreak.
4. The kid cheers Lex Luthor whenever a Superman movie runs on TV.
5. The CEO of a regional Bell operating company appears on your doorstep, sobbing uncontrollably and begging forgiveness.
6. You find a copy of Phrack magazine hidden under the underwear in your son's bedroom dresser. (The Playboy magazine is next to the handheld scanner, of course.)
7. The kid asks for a Novell Access Server for his birthday.
8. The little silver-colored wheel on your electric meter spins so fast it flies off, slices your neighbor's elm tree neatly in two and flattens a tire on a Chevy Monte Carlo three blocks away.
9. Your son's English teacher calls, sounding really curious, to ask why the kid selected the Oklahoma City phone directory for his monthly book report.
10. He names Robert Morris Jr. as his "Most Admired American."

1. When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D".
2. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
3. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!" and you chastise her for omitting the else clause.
4. When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
5. When after fooling around all day with routers, etc., you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
6. When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
7. When you not only check your e-mail more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
8. When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
9. When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
10. You try to sleep, and think..."telnet xxx.dreams.heaven".

1. When dating: ends up together in front of a computer.
2. In the street: he's the one carrying a box of floppy discs.
3. In discussion: is the one who starts laughing hysterically when the topic of computer reliability is brought up.
4. Anywhere: Red watery eyes and sleepy if awake before 4pm.
5. Bumper sticker on car: "My ware is harder, bigger and faster than yours."
6. Thinks a perfect Saturday night is a fast FTP connection to a base with plenty of GIFs, and a case of Heineken.
7. Cancels dates because he's too occupied with a new mud.
8. Keeps being caught with Playboy by the scanner.
9. Keeps more than 16 sheets of printouts on his desk.
10. Thinks IRC is the perfect way to get dates.