Employment Application
Name: ____________________________________________________________
Address:
[ ] YMCA
[ ] Halfway House
[ ] Cardboard Box on Page Mill Road
[ ] None of the Above
City: _____________________________________________________________
Phone: 011+_______________________________________________________
Education:
[ ] Some Grammar School
[ ] 8th Grade
[ ] Some High School
[ ] Umm... "Self-taught"
[ ] Watched Lots of TV
Position:
[ ] Customer Service Associate
[ ] Surly Sales
[ ] Today's Floor Supervisor
[ ] Door Nazi
[ ] The guy who gets the RAM out of the case locked with Kryptonite Bolts (just in case Superman comes in).
CASHIERING POSITIONS
English is your
[ ] second language
[ ] third
[ ] fourth
You are at a register and the customer's total is $6.31. The customer hands you a $10.00 bill. You should...
[ ] Have the customer wait while you call the Federal Reserve to make sure the bill is good.
[ ] Mumble "Customer service..." and stare vacantly into space while waiting for your supervisor.
[ ] Yell out "Check approval please!"
[ ] All of the above.
A customer picks up a can of soda but decides he doesn't want it while at the register. You...
[ ] Call the main office to double-check his resale number.
[ ] Call Pepsi to check the expiration date on the soda.
[ ] Refuse to return it because he doesn't have a receipt.
[ ] All of the above.
COMPUTER OR SOFTWARE SALES
A customer approaches you on the floor and asks how much memory you need to run Windows Me. You...
[ ] Pretend you don't hear him and walk briskly into the next aisle.
[ ] Continue to stare blankly into space.
[ ] Blurt out the first number that comes into your head.
[ ] Say, "Can't you see I'm helping another customer?!" and run off to smoke a cigarette.
You pick up the ringing phone, expecting to hear your girlfriend and/or mother. A customer asks if you have Photoshop 3.05 for Windows in stock. You...
[ ] Blurt "Certainly!" in a loud voice, while checking your teeth in the reflection from your suit coat and trying to remember if you hid the last copy well enough.
[ ] Snarl "Not my department!" into the receiver and slam down the phone.
[ ] Play a game with the other clerks to see who can get a caller to hold the longest by offering to "Check the Fremont store."
[ ] Explain how you're really a software developer, and that your Visual Basic version "Fotoshop" is really far superior and only slightly more expensive.
AUDIO/VISUAL SALES
A kindly older gentleman asks to purchase the 13" TV that was advertised in the morning paper for $99, a gift for his granddaughter's college dorm room. You...
[ ] Tell him that, darn it, you've just sold the last one. However, the top-quality "SONY" brand TV right next to it is only $225! When he points out the stack of sale TV's next to the display, tell him they're empty boxes. If he picks one up to see, run.
[ ] Scoff at his selection. Explain that all the kids nowadays would be humiliated by anything less than a 32" Mitsubishi with Stereo Surround, only $3,200!
[ ] Tell him Sunnyvale has some, and they'll hold one. Then call Sunnyvale and tell them to send him to Campbell. Repeat with Fremont store.
[ ] Invite him out to your car, where there's an "Open Box Buy."
You're working the AV room today. Customers come in to see the Home Theater equipment. You...
[ ] Diddle nonchalantly with the equipment, and tell people you have the same $1,400 Carver amp at home. Only your mom knows you buy Realistic from Radio Shack.
[ ] Insist repeatedly that the Technics speakers are really the same as the Infinity Crescendos, just without the expensive nameplate.
[ ] Fantasize idly of your dream job at Circuit City. Someday, someday...
[ ] Put "Top Gun" into the VCR and turn the volume up so loud that you're instantly sterile.
EMPLOYMENT EXPERIENCE
Has Radio Shack or any subsidiary of the Tandy Corporation fired you in the last three years?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Have you been involved in retailing in the USSR, North Korea, Thailand, or any of the former Soviet satellites?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Are you "computer literate?"
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Can you program your VCR?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Do you know how to use an ATM?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Do you know how to use a remote channel changer?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
Can you flush a toilet without assistance?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
NOTE: If answer to any of the above is "yes," please answer "YES."
Expected Salary:
[ ] $4.85/Hr. Elementary School Attended: _______________
[ ] $5.00/Hr. High School Attended: _______________
[ ] $5.15/Hr. College Attended: _______________
[ ] $6.00/Hr. Graduate School Attended: _______________
Previous Employment:
[ ] Lorenzo's Carwash
[ ] Domino's Pizza Delivery
[ ] "Would you like fries with that?"
[ ] Just Turned 16 and Need a Job!
For how long?
[ ] One paycheck.
[ ] A few weeks.
[ ] Until the federales caught up with me.
[ ] I think I'm in the stock room right now.
Signature: ___________________________________________
Date: ___________________________________________
Thanks for applying. We're certain you'll be robbing us blind in no time!
