eBlue, Sacra Blue Online Magazine
Jul 2001 — Issue 228
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Fwd: Internet Humor




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Computers and Philosophy don't Mix

There is some great funny stuff that makes the rounds on the Internet. Occasionally, some of it is both clean and about the computer world. When we find those rare gems, we will print them here for everyone's enjoyment.

The authors of these pieces are generally unknown and reach us as a forward of a forwarded message. We would be pleased to identify and credit any original author who sees his or her work (and wants the world to know who he or she is).

(Allegedly an actual bug report from Microsoft)

Bug # 5143 ACTIVE "Build done" signal makes no sound.
-- ACTIVE - 01/30/01 - MIKEBLAS --
Visual C++ makes an audible signal when a build completes. When no developer is in the room, this signal doesn't make a sound. To reproduce:
1) Start a build.
2) Leave the room.
3) Note that the chime does not make a sound.
We should find a way to make the build bell make a sound even if nobody is there to hear it. This philosophical issue may need program management's attention before being resolved.

-- ASSIGNED to MATTHEWT - 01/30/01 - SCOTF --
Can we use the telepathy support in Windows XP to contact whomever is logged into the machine doing the build? Maybe we should just detect when the developer is leaving the room and prompt for a phone number where s/he can be reached.
How about disabling leaving the room during a build?
-- RESOLVED - BY DESIGN - 01/31/01 - MATTHEWT --

-- ACTIVE - 02/01/01 - MARKLAM --
Actually, we can't do this either. The problem is that while you're out of the room your build is neither finished nor unfinished. It stays in a state of flux until you return and collapse the quantum uncertainty by observing it.
Perhaps we could link the build finished event to a cat in a box?
-- ASSIGNED to HEISENBERG - 02/01/01 - MARKLAM --

-- RESOLVED - NOT REPRO - 02/03/01 - HEISENBERG --
I cannot repro this. I tried standing just outside my door and it made the beep. Do I have to go further from my office? Would the mailroom do?

-- ACTIVE - 02/03/01 - MIKEBLAS --
The relative position of the mailroom and your office are relatively uncertain to me, Doctor. Please try again:
1) start a build
2) leave your office
3) go down the hall
4) wait until you don't hear the beep
5) return to note that the build is done
I think this is how I first repro'ed the problem, but I can't remember what I was doing to make it happen. The idea of disabling leaving the room might be the best possible solution, I think. When a build starts, the IDE should pop up a message that says, "There are no more Fritos," or "The kitchen has closed early," or "The bathroom is being cleaned," so the developer will not be tempted to get up and wander around. With minimal rebuild in place, we should consider diversions that won't take as long to remedy: "You're expecting a phone call" or "Someone will stop by to see you soon."
We need to think of messages that are easy to localize for VC++.Net.

-- ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/01 - MARKLAM --
To do this we'll need to avoid messages about the bathrooms and vending machines for external releases. Perhaps some customer research is needed to find out exactly *why* Visual C++ users leave their keyboards. Some suggestions:
1. Get a drink :
a. You're out of coffee
b. You're out of tea
c. YYoouuvv''ee hhaadd eennoouugghh
2. Get something to eat :
a. You have no food, remember?
b. You need to lose weight, fatso. Sit your ass down.
3. Exercise, etc :
a. Did You Know - sunlight causes skin cancer.
b. With a Nordic Trak you can get a workout in front of your monitor. Call for home delivery.
c. I didn't mean that about your weight.
4. See family :
a. They already know you love them.
b. They'll only want money for something.
c. Your in-laws have arrived.
5. Call of nature :
a. This could be difficult. Consider supplying bedpan or similar.
-- ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/01 - MARKLAM --

-- ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/16/01 - HEISENBERG --
I attempted to repro this once more:
I placed my machine in the forest at the edge of the campus. I started a "rebuild all" and ran out of the forest towards my mailroom. My build normally takes 3 minutes. After 5 minutes I had not heard anything, so I returned to my machine. Unfortunately a tree had fallen on it. I had not heard that, either.

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